Dating Skeptics Gifts

Woman's excuse for not going on a date

'A trial separation? But this is the first time we've met!'

Life is for the birds.

I've been on cheap dates before, but riding elevators and listening to the Muzak..

"So, you'd prefer someone whose willing to make a sacrifice"

"I feel I should tell you. I practice very dull sex."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Well, as much as I think one glass of lager all night merits a second date, on this occasion I think I'll decline.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"...Yes, I do. But, I also believe in hate at first sight."

"I'm a very nice guy. If I had friends, you could ask them."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

Cupid misses his shot.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Yes, but.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"