Dating Skeptics Gifts

Woman's excuse for not going on a date

'A trial separation? But this is the first time we've met!'

Life is for the birds.

I've been on cheap dates before, but riding elevators and listening to the Muzak..

"So, you'd prefer someone whose willing to make a sacrifice"

"I feel I should tell you. I practice very dull sex."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

'Well, as much as I think one glass of lager all night merits a second date, on this occasion I think I'll decline.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"...Yes, I do. But, I also believe in hate at first sight."

"I'm a very nice guy. If I had friends, you could ask them."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought we were just dating."

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

Yes, but.