Relationship Skeptics Gifts

'Yes, Jeff. I'm sure I will see you again. Probably on the FBI's 'most wanted' list!'

'Can I get a refund if we break up before Valentine's Day?'

"According to the pollsters I'm your ideal partner."

'I'm leaving you! I had a dream last night that you're having an affair!'

Macho Marriage Bureau,

Man hiding from a woman at a dating service.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Marriage least expected to last...

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

The Sleeping Congregation.

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"