Relationship Skeptic Gifts

Just Married for his Inheritance.

"Laura, I was wondering if we could continue our marriage through Facebook?"

Detective Agency

"That's from the lobby security camera the first time you ever came over."

"To be honest, Gavin, I preferred it when you had a head."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'I will not marry you as a hedge against inflation!'

"Of course you're not good enough for me. Who is?"

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'Marriage is worse than a crime, kid — it's a premeditated crime!'

'I think we should have a trial separation Gary - if I can't find anything better then we'll give it another go.'

'We're such good friends, we'd like to tie the knot. Any laws concerning opposite-sex gay couples?'

Marriage Guidance.

'Er, hello dear, can I help it if the poor girl is hard of hearing?' (gulp!)

"Relationship? I haven't got time for that!"

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Tunnel of love.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"Marriage counseling from a priest is like dietary advice from a bulimic."

"Adultery is like quantum mechanics, hon. It only exists when you see it."

"Do you like it? It's a Countdown To The End Of Our Relationship clock."

"It didn't work."

"You're a great catch because you're a doctor? I need a second opinion from your first wife."

Man Wearing 'Mr Right' T-shirt: 'Yeah, right!'

"If it's not me, is it my sinister cat?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"I did say I wanted to get married, but that was a false positive."

"You've known this guy like 10 seconds. Why the fuck would you bring him to ZOOMsgiving?!"

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Why on earth would people willingly get into a relationship? Huh? If you're in a serious relationship, you can't be you anymore. You're an "us." The "us" is a tyrant. You can't go out, or choose where to eat, or anything, unless the "us" says it's ok. That's why I've pretty much always been single. Yeeaah ... that must be why.

I don't want to get married either. I'm just bored. Laurel, I

More than half of adult American women are unmarried. Go away. Studies show that many women try marriage, don't like it, get divorced and are happy just to date. and I just want you to know that when you're ready to get with the program, I'm prepared to be your rebound relationship. It feels good to contribute to society. It's a wonder any women are married.

You're breaking out in hives because Rudy's in a long-term relationship? Guess so. I'm very opposed to commitment, but I can be sensitive to it. I'd hate to get too close to him and come down with it. Commitment? Right. Like the Ebola virus but really bad.

'The trouble with marriage is that it's rigged in favor of the incumbent!'

"You've never been in a committed relationship. And you have the nerve to call me feral?"