Relationship Skeptic Pillows

Just Married for his Inheritance.

"Laura, I was wondering if we could continue our marriage through Facebook?"

Detective Agency

"That's from the lobby security camera the first time you ever came over."

"To be honest, Gavin, I preferred it when you had a head."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'I will not marry you as a hedge against inflation!'

"Of course you're not good enough for me. Who is?"

'The divorce was ugly, but not as ugly as the marriage.'

'Marriage is worse than a crime, kid — it's a premeditated crime!'

'I think we should have a trial separation Gary - if I can't find anything better then we'll give it another go.'

'We're such good friends, we'd like to tie the knot. Any laws concerning opposite-sex gay couples?'

Marriage Guidance.

'Er, hello dear, can I help it if the poor girl is hard of hearing?' (gulp!)

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

Tunnel of love.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"Marriage counseling from a priest is like dietary advice from a bulimic."

"Adultery is like quantum mechanics, hon. It only exists when you see it."

"Do you like it? It's a Countdown To The End Of Our Relationship clock."

"It didn't work."

"You're a great catch because you're a doctor? I need a second opinion from your first wife."

Man Wearing 'Mr Right' T-shirt: 'Yeah, right!'

"If it's not me, is it my sinister cat?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"I did say I wanted to get married, but that was a false positive."

"You've known this guy like 10 seconds. Why the fuck would you bring him to ZOOMsgiving?!"

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'The trouble with marriage is that it's rigged in favor of the incumbent!'

"You've never been in a committed relationship. And you have the nerve to call me feral?"

'He understands me, he understands me not...'

A married woman's secret lover.

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

'It was love at first sight - he showed me his bank statements!'

"I just don't see any future in this relationship."