Relationship Skeptics Pillows

'Yes, Jeff. I'm sure I will see you again. Probably on the FBI's 'most wanted' list!'

'Can I get a refund if we break up before Valentine's Day?'

"According to the pollsters I'm your ideal partner."

'I'm leaving you! I had a dream last night that you're having an affair!'

Macho Marriage Bureau,

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

Marriage least expected to last...

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Cupid misses his shot.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

Yes, but.

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Cupid's Valentine

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."