Relationship Critics Gifts

'Look, woman! I can't talk any more, I've got a couple waiting to see me. Just you have my dinner ready and I'll be home when it suits me.'

The currency of love - Size is everything.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

His and Hers.

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."