Relationship Critics Gifts

'Look, woman! I can't talk any more, I've got a couple waiting to see me. Just you have my dinner ready and I'll be home when it suits me.'

The currency of love - Size is everything.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

I DATED A GUY FROM THE FAIR, BUT . . .

"April Fools'! You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'I want to finish with him, but I'll have to wait until he's made the final payment on my engagement ring.'

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'You can have any opinion you want as long as it's mine.'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

His and Hers.

Man in traffic jam watches couple row while eating popcorn.

'I will subject to certain conditions...'

'There's a NAGGING blog?'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

'Instead of nagging you, Walter, I've decided to write a syndicated column!'

"...He broke your heart, did he? Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming!"

"Marry you? Why I wouldn't even vote to let you into my co-op."

'That's his new trophy fishwife.'

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"Can I turn off the game and set the table? Ha, ha! Oh, honey, you are hilarious!"