Romance Skeptic Gifts

"I though I should get real and lower my expectations, and that's when I met Evan."

"Before you answer my proposal my Dear, let me just show you the balance of my off shore account..."

'It's an anniversary gift for my wife...better gift wrap it.'

"How do I love thee? Let me count the years of twisted head games."

'Women call you Don Juan? You misheard - what they say is that they Don Juan anything to do with you!'

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

'What do WE need a love seat for?'

'Sally, I'm going to marry a rich girl, get my MBA, invest her money, become very wealthy, wait till the kids are all through college, and then divorce her -- Will you wait for me?'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Blow up valentine.

"We both know it won't work, Sylvia. Oh, things will be great for a week or two, but the day will come when you realize you're tangled up, once again, wiht another boyfriend from Hell."

"How can I say, thanks for the rubbish date last night?"

"The Honeymoon Suite sounds perfect. My wife will need a room too."

"It has to be reciprocal - I pretend to love you, you pretend to love me."

"Will you marry me?"

"Of course there isn't anyone else Rodney... Why on earth do you think I'm sleeping with you?"

'The last candlelit supper we had was when they cut the power off.'

A man goes through the pockets of a sleeping woman

"Sure he's cute. . . but he's just too childish!"

No, I don

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"If I can't be honest with you, Cheryl, who can I pretend to be honest with?"

“Why don’t you try a grand gesture, like a well-written e-mail?”

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"Simply put, Marcia, I want to be your President."

"Hey, what do you say we just skip Valentine's Day this year?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, I stopped being your kumquat years ago."

"He thinks I'm a good cook in the same way I think he's good in bed."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."