Romantic Skeptics Gifts

"So is our divorce everything you hoped it would be, sweetheart?"

". . . and don't rush it. Don't make the same mistake your grandparents made. We were barely 95 years young when we got talked into marrying and settling down."

"We'll always have Paris. I backed it up on a zip drive."

"Well it's not my idea of foreplay!"

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

She realized with horror that she had settled for Les.

'Bah! If I wanted long walks on the beach, I'd get a dog!'

'No! Romance with malice aforethought!'

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you, Steven?'

Slow Boat to China.

'It's OK to say no. I'm not married to the idea.'

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

The Sleeping Congregation.

Cupid misses his shot.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'I can't believe she married the prince after only one date.'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

Yes, but.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'