Dating Service Skeptic Gifts

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

Cupid misses his shot.

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

Yes, but.

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

Second Thoughts Wedding

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"Bill and I hate the same books."