Dating Service Skeptic Pillows

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

Cupid misses his shot.

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

Yes, but.

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

Second Thoughts Wedding

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"Bill and I hate the same books."

"It was love at first sight, except for his ringtone."