Dating Site Skeptic Pillows

"I hate these dating sites. What ever happened to meeting a guy on a shrub, laying a couple hundred eggs, and then biting off his had while he's watching sports center.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Life is for the birds.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

Cupid misses his shot.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"I hope you love me for my money, not for who I am."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'I think he's in too much pain to answer!'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

Cupid's Valentine

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

Yes, but.

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

Second Thoughts Wedding

'I've got SO much on my plate right now, Steve - Ask me again when I'm fifty.'

"It would never work out- we're from two totally different tiers of the upper middle class."

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"Bill and I hate the same books."