Dating App Skeptic Pillows

Dating Agency - Call The Police. "Your details are coming through now."

Life is for the birds.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

Today's love

cuPad

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Bill and I hate the same books."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'He was taller online!'

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

"You weren't playing hard to get! You were scared of commitment!"

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"It's our third date, can we look at each other now?"

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places.

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

Tinder for dogs

'I hate singles bars. It's like window shopping...you know, looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.'