Dating App Reviewer Pillows

"His online profile said he was a "silverback", but in fact, he was just old..."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

cuPad

Today's love

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'He was taller online!'

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

Tinder for dogs

"I meet people all the time, but nothing ever seems to last."

'En-counter'

"It's our third date, can we look at each other now?"

"Swipe left." Henry VIII

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)

"He was that needy, he actually asked me on a second date."

Courtship versus Tinder

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

"To be honest you're not what I was expecting. Your profile on the dating app said you were a small business owner."

'Yeah, I know your profile said you were a cat person, but...'