Dating App Lover Pillows

"I've hooked us up with a couple of cougars on tinder."

"I don't understand it! My nerd detector's going crazy!"

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

cuPad

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

Today's love

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"Don't blame me! Your profile said nothing about a seafood allergy."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"Wanna get pigeon holed?"

"Wow! That guy is REALLY good at 'Speed Dating!'"

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"I know that on-line dating service claims a 90% success rate, but let's face it, Henry, we're in that other ten percent!"

Netflix and chill?

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

'Frankly, I'm looking for someone who's tall, dark and solvent.'

"I'll be honest with you, Jeannette, I'm looking for a no-load relationship."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

You're 22 hours early, Lance. I thought I was two hours late. Which do you prefer?

Boyfriend Shirt.

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'He was taller online!'

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

Courtship versus Tinder

Plato seeking platonic love on Tinder

"I'm looking for a dreamboat, not a shipwreck."