Dating App Aficionados Pillows

'For those who the internet hath brought together, let no man put asunder...'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"We hooked up on one of those 'buoy meets girl' sites."

"Is there a maybe swipe?"

'Well, it's called a lady's safety app!'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"But Narcissus, you're not allowed to choose yourself."

'Shaven head, tattoos, a pot belly and a nose ring...that's what girls are looking for in a man nowadays, sorry...'

"It's our third date, can we look at each other now?"

Tinder for dogs

"Call me?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"Darling, wait until you taste the new year's menu I have ordered for us!"

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

cuPad

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Today's love

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

"You lack spontaniety."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

Tasty.

Banana Smoothie

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar