Online Dating Aficionados Pillows

"My online profile says I live in a lagoon. What did you expect me to look like?"

"Your profile online said nothing about being bald."

'Look, he likes the same things I do. Eating, sleeping, knocking things off tables...'

'Do you, Optimus_!@aol.com. take thee, Sexy69@aol.co...'

"I'm hooking up with this guy who makes the funniest typos."

Meet Sexy Cougars

"Call me?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"We're not really fighting, mom. We just need a little drama for our YouTube channel. Subscribers equal money."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"You lack spontaniety."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

Banana Smoothie

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Tasty.

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

Biological Cuckoo clock

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

"Your profile said you were a dog."

Ostrich Bar

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

My personal ad specifically said I was a "dog person who enjoys walks on the beach."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"