Online Dating Aficionados Gifts

"Your profile online said nothing about being bald."

'Look, he likes the same things I do. Eating, sleeping, knocking things off tables...'

'Do you, Optimus_!@aol.com. take thee, Sexy69@aol.co...'

"I'm hooking up with this guy who makes the funniest typos."

Meet Sexy Cougars

"Call me?"

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

Dating - "Oh, and she must have a sense of humour."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

"You lack spontaniety."

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

Banana Smoothie

Biological Cuckoo clock

"I'm experiencing bouts of heavy breathing and dizziness when I'm speed dating!"

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

Tasty.

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"Ideally, I'm looking for a guy who can make me smile."

Ostrich Bar

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I hope you don't think I'm the kind who would hibernate on the first date."

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

Women's Idea of Sharing/Men's Idea of Sharing.

Young Pups In A Chat Room.

When kissing a woman, try not to burp.