Dating App Aficionado Pillows

"We probably shouldn't cuddle."

'I guess we're both out of luck. You like girls with big boobs, and I like a man with brains and halfway decent looks.'

"Your Tinder profile says you're a good listener."

"Actually I joined the website hoping to meet another member of the undead!"

"So, no second date then?"

So are you from a good family?

Lockdown Cupid!

"I have an app that separates the men form the boys."

"Deep down I'm really shallow."

Lonely hearts club: 'Sorry, we're not that lonely.'

'This is positively the last time I arrange a date over the internet,'

"Nothing's wrong with the club I sold you. Maybe you're just not her type."

"You look just like your profile picture."

'Computer dating? I want my money back. You fixed me up with my first wife.'

'Yeah, I know your profile said you were a cat person, but...'

Tunnel of Swiping Right

Blind date signage - ( the obscured sign reads SLOW)

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Call me?"

'Oh, and this ringtone is an app that alerts me when a fly ball is headed my way.'

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"I'm just saying. This would be even MORE romantic if we couldn't see in the dark."

Mantis Love

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

All the apps hidden within a phone

Drive in movies.

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'My new cellphone has a 'self-help' program...'

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

I'm your girlfriend and best friend so I get twice as many slices

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

'Normally, this project would require weeks of research and verification...but luckily there's an app for it.'