Modern Dating Skeptic Pillows

Life is for the birds.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I thought he was into fitness, but his 'fitness tracker' turned out to be a flea and tick collar."

'I fu*@!Ng hate you!!!'

"To be honest, I'm a little surprised the dating service matched us up."

'I don't think Charlie will ever get used to these auto-mobiles.'

"Bill and I hate the same books."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"You weren't playing hard to get! You were scared of commitment!"

'Your credit card or mine?'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"Did you notice the smirk on his face when he said 'enjoy'?"

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"We need to text about our relationship."

'I hate singles bars. It's like window shopping...you know, looking at fancy clothes on a bunch of dummies.'

"I hate these dating sites. What ever happened to meeting a guy on a shrub, laying a couple hundred eggs, and then biting off his had while he's watching sports center.'

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places.

"I've lost touch with my roots, so I'm flying to Omaha but I'll be back Monday."

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

'Do you mind if I call my parole officer?'

'Myself, I'm not a morning person, so I'm definitely not interested in one of those up-at-the-crack-of-dawn types, you know what I mean?'

If you meet someone online who says he's a 22 year old software millionaire who looks like Harry Styles he's really unemployed, 45 and lives with his mother!

'Nice guys finish last - is that your philosophy of life or sex?'

"...Yes, I do. But, I also believe in hate at first sight."