Modern Daters Pillows

"I can't tell whether you're gazing into my eyes or checking your e-mail."

Will pull fire alarm so you can ditch your online date.

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

Someone need to set Adam straight on why Eve's there. He keeps calling her "Bachelorette No. 1".

"We need to text about our relationship."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Online Dating

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Kissable Frogs in Your Area

'Of all the women who responded to my dating profile, you had the best emoticon.'

Sally and Doug had met online and were proving to be very compatible...

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"Don't take this the wrong way, Howard, but I'd like to go back to having an on-line relationship."

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"Romeo,Romeo. Are you online,Romeo"

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

Financially Secure Romantic with sufficient fire in belly seeks damsel in distress...

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"So, do you walk the talk? Replete the tweet? Sext the text?"

'Let's do lunch.'

We met online.

'That must be my computer date.'

"What do you mean asking you to marry me via text wasn't romantic? Did you see the emoji with hearts for eyes I attached?"

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'We met online.'

Friday night was always sext night.

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

"Jeez, Alice, at least Google him first."