Modern Dater Pillows

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

'You want to take our relationship a bit slower How about we only sms once a day'

"It's sweet of you to ask, but it's against my religion to go out with bald guys."

'Please don't tell me your name -- I'm not ready for a relationship right now.'

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."

'I'm looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Knight.'

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'I think we should stop seeing each other, Kent, but I'm open to an e-mail or texting relationship.'

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

"It's been a wonderful evening, Fred -- Please don't spoil it by making me squirt you with pepper spray."

'Let's do lunch.'

"I'm so shallow."

"I get one every week. It's for people too busy for relationships."

"Hang on - I've got an app for this..!"

"Yes, I'm very surprised to hear from you. I thought I blocked you."

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"Fancy going to watch a movie?"

"Where are all the strong and secure men at?" "Taken."

"I'm sorry, Carol. I just feel like I should be seeing someone closer to my own neighborhood."

"Cigarettes used to be a pretty good prop, but they don't seem to work for me anymore."

Romantic LED-lit Dinner

"Look, I'm not ghosting you. I just have a huge list to deal with right now."

"I just can't be with someone who's never been digitized."

"Would you like to come back to my place and face some uncomfortable truths?"

First date with an emoticon

"Did I just butt-dial my booty call?"

'Shred dating...'

"What do you have that only says 'lust'?"

Getting to know you: 'So! Are you pro or anti-circumcision?'

'We met at a bar and had a one-night stand. Now I discover he's one of my Facebook friends.'

"I had to dump Herman. I didn't like his 'I invite, she pays' policy."