Navigating Modern Dating Pillows

'No computer, no cellphone, no fax machine... no wonder I'm still single!'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'Your credit card or mine?'

"I'm so shallow."

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"

"I've lost touch with my roots, so I'm flying to Omaha but I'll be back Monday."

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

"We need to text about our relationship."

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

"Sorry, but I never give more than a peck on the cheek on a first date."