Navigating Modern Dating Gifts

'No computer, no cellphone, no fax machine... no wonder I'm still single!'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

'Your credit card or mine?'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I'm so shallow."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"I think she's fully committed to me - She got an 'I'm with stupid' TATTOO!"

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

"I've lost touch with my roots, so I'm flying to Omaha but I'll be back Monday."

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

"We need to text about our relationship."

'I'd invite you in, but I've given up jackasses for Lent.'

"He was that needy, he actually asked me on a second date."

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"

"Like, weirdest date ever, last night, he kept trying to make eye contact!"

"I like you, but only in a Facebook thumbs up kind of way."

"Love means sacrificing your swiping hand."

"I'm still in shock. He had such a trustworthy avatar."