Modern Dating Experiences Gifts

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Mobile phones and long distance relationships,

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

She agreed to marry me, but she has to marry three other guys first.

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

'Let's do lunch.'

'Crabs, sharks, octopi...'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

"I must say, Doctor Jeckyll, that you bear little resemblance to your profile picture."

Well, I didn't know he was a dragon when I met him online!

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

"I love you very much, but apparently it's break-up season."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

'Your credit card or mine?'

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

"I'm so shallow."

"If you think you've earned this by consistently retweeting my tweets -- you're right."

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

"This one's different, mummy, he wants me for my brain."

"He's in his late somethings, but he's cute."

Online Dating Tip 1: Don't Get Angry

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"I've lost touch with my roots, so I'm flying to Omaha but I'll be back Monday."

"We need to text about our relationship."

"Mom and dad's marriage wasn't made in heaven. They met online, so it was made in the Cloud."

"I googled you and I'm not interested."