Modern Dating Survivor Gifts

"Hold on, it might be someone more interesting."

'I had a lovely time and I'd love to see you again, here's my business card with my fake email, mobile and twitter.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Generation Ex.

'Let's do lunch.'

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"I'm so shallow."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"We need to text about our relationship."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"