Modern Dating Survivor Gifts

"Hold on, it might be someone more interesting."

'I had a lovely time and I'd love to see you again, here's my business card with my fake email, mobile and twitter.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"I thought you did a great job with your gender neutral statements ... There will be a second date."

"This isn't working. We have nothing in common."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Let's do lunch.'

Generation Ex.

"I've become so good at dating—relationships that used to take months now last a matter of days."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"Nothing - he's ghosting you."

I'm looking at photos of potential dates here. Your "screening" process.

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

Cupid gives up trying to get cell phone-using couple together.

"I'm so shallow."

"It's over between us Brian. . . as soon as I've announced it on twitter."

"Sorry I'm late... I was getting our date approved by my lawyer."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'No, I don't remember asking you to move in with me. Not only that, I don't remember who you are!'

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"It's another letter from Mr. Wentworth. He writes, 'You up?' and then there are some pictures of a smiley face and an eggplant."

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

'Would it be too forward of me to give you a tweet?'

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.