Dating Nightmare Survivor Gifts

'THAT'S your ringtone? - I'd like you to take me home now.'

"So tell me a little bit about yourself. A very little bit."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Sorry - you're just not my type...!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"My mates at the showroom said that I should start dating again."

'Frankly, my dear, you can keep the dam.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'