Dating Mishap Survivor Gifts

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-28).

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

'Let's forget the duck de la margola and order something else!' (man seeing duck fleeing from cook).

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"This is the last time I let anyone fix me up with a blind date!"

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"I knew I should've swiped left."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

James and Sarah had no chance of sex with antibiotic resistant gonorrhea keeping them apart

'Let me just run through the offside rule.'

'...in conclusion, we're in the wrong meeting room.'

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

"This is definately the last time I arrange a date over the internet..."

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'