Dating Disaster Survivor Gifts

Plunger Face Blind Date.

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'This should teach you never to ask Naomi Campbell out on a date.'

Albert strikes out again with the women, getting another drink thrown in his torso.

In the Tavern.

'That blind date! He took me to a blind tasting and got blind drunk.'

"The date was fine. I'm just not the hugging type."

'Hi, didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?'

'Hi -- my name is Dave...', 'Whoa! -- this is moving WAY too fast for me!'

Quickly realizing that her blind date was a dork, Amy began chewing on her emergency supply of garlic cloves.

' Your personal ad didn't say anything about you being a Marxist...'

'THAT'S your ringtone? - I'd like you to take me home now.'

Mr Right.

When you're facing a dating catastrophe, count on 877-BAD-DATE to bail you out.

"Yes, I do normally kiss on a first date. But in your case, I'll make an exception!"

"Forget aboout a second date. While you were in the restroom, our cute waiter asked me out."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"I see you've never dated a clairvoyant before."

"He was a lousy date!"

"Just for future reference, save your private heartache for the third or fourth date."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"Don't get me wrong – I'm pro crazy bitches."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

Bad first impressions...Bad second impressions too...

Lonely leg syndrome!

'I can understand that...Especially during an election year.'

John thought the date was going well, just not for him!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

I'm not ready to move from casual status updates to personal intimacy. Pass the cream.

Can't that dating service ever get it right?

'I'm afraid your 'blind date' couldn't make it. But don't worry, Sue's found you a last minute replacement.'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"Thanks for an evening I'm sure I'll repress for the rest of my life."

"I had a lovely time - now I'm going to go to bed and try to forget all about it."

This date is going nowhere fast. I pride myself on not wasting time.