Dating Disaster Expert Gifts

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

Boyfriend of the Month.

The Stages of Wine

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'Standing on tiptoe waving your claw may attract a crab, but it certainly doesn't woo me.'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"I've had my eye on you for some time"

'Wow!... Look at the personality on her!'

"Not so fast, Casanova! I want to get to know a man and his intentions better before I allow him to accompany me to the cinema!"

Tom prepares for his hot date.

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'Well thank you Igor!! I spend all night making small talk with the blonde and Mr. googly eyes has to show up!!'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"I'm a simple man, really."

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

Babe magnet

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

'No thanks! Playing doctor is how my folks ended up getting married.'

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"My name is Adam and your name is Eve and that I think is a good starting point for a relationship between us!"

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Do you know what girls want?

"I'm still in recovery for my perfectionism."

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

'I went out with that new hunk in Sales last night. Great closer!'

"I'm not single I'm 'between relationships'."