Dating Disasters Detective Gifts

'She found him though a dating agency but forgot to look at his sell by date!'

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"I'm not against going to couples therapy, but it feels weird to do it on a first date."

'I need someone who is willing to make a commitment not someone who's just interested in ruffling my feathers.'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"If someone winks a you forty or fifty times, are they coming on to you?"

She's disappointed. Doctor Frankenstein's online dating profile simply says that he's a "body-builder."

"For once I'd like to go on a date where she made eye contact instead of iPhone contact."

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

"Before we take this any further, I'd like us to open about our internet history."

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"I can tell when you're just kissing me to get some of my lip balm, Josh."

'You want to understand women?...I granted you a wish, not a miracle!'

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

Cheapskate b*****d told me he'd laid on a box for me to watch the races.

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"I'm guessing it's too soon in the relationship for me to totally creep you out."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'Girls! I won't understand them if I live to be six.'

"So - we meet at last."

Cluster Catastrophe

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Well? Where is this mystery man we've been hearing so much about?'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

Personal Ads: '...Men seeking anything that will stay still long enough.'

Coffee.. Sure, I'll go out with you --- It's all part of the process of elimination.

"You lying fink! Your dating profile specifically stated you were a non smoker!!"

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."