Dating Disaster Gifts

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'No, I won't go out with you, Nigel, not 'til you man up!'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

When it came to picking up women, Dalton was an utter failure.

Life is for the birds.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

I always strike out on blind dates

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

A young man creating an awkward silence

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

'Talk about a disastrous blind date: A quick look at her teeth told me she was a lot older than she said...'

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

It was to be their first, and last date.

'1-800 GET LOST Gee, your phone number is an easy one to remember,'

Karen decided this would be the last time she ever dated a plumber...