Dating Disaster Pillows

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

'No, I won't go out with you, Nigel, not 'til you man up!'

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

When it came to picking up women, Dalton was an utter failure.

Life is for the birds.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"Sure you remember me. I'm the guy who collapsed here last night... right in front of your... and had to be rushed to the hospital."

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

I always strike out on blind dates

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

A young man creating an awkward silence

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'