Dating Disasters Pillows

Thirty-two. Pardon? The number of babes I've necked with this summer. Thirty-two. Twenty-nine if you count sisters only once 'cause they're in the same family. You hate me. I hate you!!!

How was your date with the girl wolverine, Axel? It started off badly at the restaurant. I told the Maitre d' I wanted a table for two and he replied, "two what?" I then gnawed off his left leg. Things went downhill from there.

'Sorry, the GSOH in my ad stood for 'Got Syphilis On Holiday'.'

"Now you wouldn't want me to go through life without experiencing the joys of Father's Day... would you?

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Listen to me going on about myself! You could probably use a break, am I right?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

Would you like something from the bar, miss? It looks like you might need it. (This cartoon was originally published on 2010-08-28).

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

I always strike out on blind dates

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

"He was a lousy date!"