Dating Disaster Lover Pillows

"Actually, in my younger days, I was really a Wildman."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I knew I should've swiped left."

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

'I hear Oog gave up inventing.'

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

'If you remember, the last thing I said before the ship went down was, 'don't forget to bring the ball'.'

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"Public display of rejection"

"He was a lousy date!"

A young man creating an awkward silence

"A MacArthur, the lecture circuit, and thou!"

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

'Reading between the lines Colin began to suspect that a second date was unlikely!'

'Talk about a disastrous blind date: A quick look at her teeth told me she was a lot older than she said...'

"Can I call you back? I'm going down with the ship."

"I see you've never dated a clairvoyant before."

'This should teach you never to ask Naomi Campbell out on a date.'

"Just for future reference, save your private heartache for the third or fourth date."

"Don't get me wrong – I'm pro crazy bitches."