Dating Disaster Enthusiast Pillows

"I'd invite you up, but I'm trying to preserve the crime scene."

Ho was your date last night? It didn't go well. I was running late and had to go straight to the restaurant after picking up some body parts. When I sat down, she said I have bad manners buecause I put elbows on the table. So then I tried to pay her a compliment but she just started screaming and ran out! What was the compliment? I said I found her attractive because of her brain.

How to Meet Sluts.

Tom suspected the date wasn't going as well as he'd hoped when she asked for the Emergency exit.

'So what's your favourite sex position?'

It was to be their first, and last date.

Colin had heard that women liked honesty in men.

"I'd invite you in for coffee but my husband would probably kill you"

'1-800 GET LOST Gee, your phone number is an easy one to remember,'

'Talk about a disastrous blind date: A quick look at her teeth told me she was a lot older than she said...'

Karen decided this would be the last time she ever dated a plumber...

"Not in a million years."

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'In the middle of the second movement, Rodney's worst fears were realized; Phillippe began to sing along.'

"I knew I should've swiped left."

'It was disgusting, Sheila...Our first date, and he pulls out his endpin!'

'I hear Oog gave up inventing.'

"Your blind dates is at the bar - I'll upgrade you to a table by the getaway door."

Rudy, I went out on a date last night. It was a miserable failure. Sorry. As my employee, you've seen me day in and day out. You know me better than anyone. Rudy, do I, your boss and sole source of income, have some personality flaw? Or did the fault lie with my date. Feel free to speak candidly. Mother.

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

Continental Drift will end in disaster when the Arctic collides with the Antarctic and matter collides with anti-matter and explodes.

"When you said on your profile you are 'loyal and affectionate' I expected something a little different."

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

He couldn't put his finger on it but something told Colin the date wasn't going well.

"Do I have a personal preparedness plan in case of a national emergency? Well, if screaming while running amok is a plan, then yes, I have a plan."

"My love for you knows no bounds, Trish."

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

Geek Todd Jones strikes out with his 3000th wiman to take over third place on the all time geek strikeout list.

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."

But I told you I just wanted to be friends. Sue. Ed.

Remember Rudy Park, my college roommate? He just tipped me off to breaking news. Some geological disaster across the bridge. Wow. You should totally go cover that. I'm glad you think so, 'cause it wouldn't really be responsible to take a 2-year-old to a geological disaster. Could you watch my boy for a few days? On second thought, that's a boring story. Nobody wants to hear about that. He's almost potty trained. Sorry, I have a ... work ... ish thing.