Dating Mishap Pillows

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

'Big date tonight, but I've just shed an antler: Do you have superglue?'

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I never understand what you're trying to say."

'But enough about my interiority, how about you?'

"Smile! It's for the women I've dated scrapbook!"

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"I walked up to this hot girl with two drinks in my hands, and she turned to me, smiled and said, are you lost, Grandpa? The toilets are back there."

'My Mother makes me wear this - It's my name and address in case I get lost.'

'And thank you for a lovely evening!'

"I miss the days when people were ashamed to admit they met online."

I'm an investor. My star sign is predator.

"The date was a disaster: he grew up with pirates you see, so I couldn't understand half of what he was saying..."

Duncan made a real faux pas when he heard that his blind date was expecting a baby.

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"How come I always pick the bastards?"

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

OK, I'm a little shallow, but I'm meaningful.

"Hell, I'm from the dating agency. Can I move in with you."

"Baldo, I'm sorry! Tia Carmen's friend Maria left this book here by accident. Silly me, I thought it was yours! Ha ha ha!"

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

"I don't like sweetcorn".

Twenty thousand leagues out of his league

"Oh, it's feeding time in Egoville?"

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.

"Normally I like men who talk with their hands."

'When he said he collected models, I thought he meant little plastic planes ...'

Golf Cart Punctures

"I'm not proposing marriage, but I'm not ruling it out, either."