Matchmaking Mishaps Pillows

'I just wanna looker for the occasional wife swap party.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Everybody meets online these days."

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Carbon Dating Agency

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Are you sure that's not your age?

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"You want to see me, Boss?"

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

Dating site - buy a dog.

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

Gimme a hot chocolate. On the rocks. Straight. Lady troubles? And how. Old Mr. Mort told me if I wanted to appeal to the ladies, I should watch some old black and white movies and do what those guys do. So I started jogging downstairs sideways like Cary Grant. I said "see!" after every sentence like James Cagney. I ran in place and yelled "whoop-whoop-whoop!" like Curly. All the girls loved it. But now I have four playdates scheduled at the same time! Not at all where I thought that was going.

"My blind date?! Oh, he was Arabian alright, but he was a camel..."

"The computer appears to have matched you up with yourself Mr Narcissus"

'Oh sure, Rupert's lovely, but his mate's a total slime-bag.'

'I think I would get along really well with someone as disagreeable as me.'

"I always thought you'd look great, covered in spiders."

Goalie saves a boot instead of a football.

'Anyone for doubles?'

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

'It's been an interesting evening. Do you mind if I use your ledge for a minute?'

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'