Matchmaker Critic Pillows

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Carbon Dating Agency

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"I'd like to meet the algorithm that thought we'd be a good match."

"Blue eyed blonde...let me check the files."

Dating site - buy a dog.