Matchmaker's Nightmare Pillows

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Real Estate Personals

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Carbon Dating Agency

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."

Hmm...all the best!

"You want to see me, Boss?"

The Adventures of Morton :This has been my best first date ever...Sooo, what about our plans for the future? YOu know, marriage, kids?...Tell me if I move too fast, okay?

'Anyone for doubles?'

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

"Okay sir.I've fed your personal profile into the computer,and your ideal partner should look something like..."

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'

'Do I know you?'

'Fortysomething. Is that your age or waist size?'

Lovematch Dating . . . Please wait here.

'Maybe you set your ideals too high, Karen...'

'Ooh, look - Hilda's latest arm candy!'

'I know you don't like being fixed up, but he's perfect for you!'

Loneliness.

"...his friend is over 6ft tall with broad shoulders, sounds too good to be true!"

Old fashioned picky man at a dating agency

Speed Dating Tonight - 7pm until 7.02 pm.