Matchmaker's Nightmare Pillows

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Real Estate Personals

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Lonely Hearts Dating Agency - "Mmm he's a bit of a dish."

'I know I said you could take me home but I didn't mean to your place!'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Carbon Dating Agency

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

Hmm...all the best!

"You want to see me, Boss?"

The Adventures of Morton :This has been my best first date ever...Sooo, what about our plans for the future? YOu know, marriage, kids?...Tell me if I move too fast, okay?

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

'Anyone for doubles?'

"Okay sir.I've fed your personal profile into the computer,and your ideal partner should look something like..."

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'

'Fortysomething. Is that your age or waist size?'

'Do I know you?'

Lovematch Dating . . . Please wait here.

'I know you don't like being fixed up, but he's perfect for you!'

'Ooh, look - Hilda's latest arm candy!'

'Maybe you set your ideals too high, Karen...'

Loneliness.

Speed Dating Tonight - 7pm until 7.02 pm.

"...his friend is over 6ft tall with broad shoulders, sounds too good to be true!"