Matchmaker At Heart Pillows

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

Match maker

Sidekick speed matching service.

Carbon Dating Agency

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'