Matchmaker At Heart Pillows

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Carbon Dating Agency

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."