Matchmaker Pillows

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'Pinocchio, under the 'would like to meet' section you've put 'fun-loving brunette made of oak'. This may prove difficult.'

'Can't be high-maintenance, but she must have class. Economy class.'

'OK - I'll enter 'beauty queen', 'millionairess' and 'pub landlady' and we'll see waht comes up' (dating agency).

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

You have: 2,010,597 matches!

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"Is he a good alimony risk?"

'Yes I'm sure we will be able to put together your perfect match.'

Match maker

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"I'd like to meet the algorithm that thought we'd be a good match."

"It's a dating site that matches you solely on the thermostat setting."

"This might suit you. Somebody wants to meet a young man with an arresting personality."

'Wait! The dating agency got it wrong! You should have dated me before her!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"No, I'm sorry, we don't have a low maintenance category."

Marriage Broker: Get married now...pay later.

"I've been wanting you two to meet. You both have the same seasonal allergies."

"Take a look at this guy, Ellen - Doesn't he look just right for 'Crazy Sally'?"

Kiss me quik dating service

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Thanks to Tinder and Covid, my whole career has gone down the toilet."

"The last one was clearly incompatible - she didn't think a shelled walnut resembled a human brain."

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"We've photoshopped your picture to make you look as good as you would to a desperate, blind, drunk woman."

Never say you don't have a girlfriend.

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"There must be someone. The last date I had was on the end of a plastic twig!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Blue eyed blonde...let me check the files."

'I just wanna looker for the occasional wife swap party.'