Future Matchmaker Pillows

"Just for future reference, save your private heartache for the third or fourth date."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Everybody meets online these days."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

Today's love

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

Real Estate Personals

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"I'm all for diversity. Let's get someone in here who knows what they're doing."

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."