Matchmaker Wannabe Pillows

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

'Single guys cost a little more.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

"Everybody meets online these days."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

Real Estate Personals

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Match maker

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."