Matchmaker Wannabe Pillows

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

'Single guys cost a little more.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'Don't let the photo put you off, it was taken when he was under the spell of a wicked witch.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Here's one, Matey! 'Must Love Parrots.'"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"Everybody meets online these days."

Real Estate Personals

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

'Fred, don't you think you're over doing it a bit?'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Sidekick speed matching service.

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'