Matchmaker Master Pillows

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

Today's love

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"Everybody meets online these days."

"It must have been fate that brought us together."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

They knew they were made for each other when their eyes met from across the room at the Same Socks Bar,

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"I'm all for diversity. Let's get someone in here who knows what they're doing."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

'It just came out. It handles forehands, backhands and overheads all in one motion.'

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"This is the new man. I want you to bring him up to speed."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"On my dating website it said would be the perfect match."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'