Quirky Matchmaker Pillows

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"Here we match people by their hatreds. It's a much stronger bond."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'We found the perfect match for you -- She voted for Ralph Nader and she drives a Yugo!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

Woman finds sensitive mechanic to date.

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

"Well, Arnold, it's been fun."

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

'You must be Olivia.'

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"So tell me again where you're from."

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.

At Saltwater Sweeties Dating Service

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

"Would you consider yourself creamy or crunchy?"

"In a world of beefcake, I'm dating tofu."

'Are you ready to be the winners?'

"I'm steelbuns 1995, you must be teen angle 1999."

"Damn. The minute I eat a stink bug, in walks Mr. Wonderful!..."

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."