Humorous Matchmaker Pillows

'Trust me dude, this place is crawling with babes.'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

Match maker

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

Pucker up!

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"I'm looking for the kind of relationship that won't interfere with government regulations."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'I don't know what he sees in her - she can't even freeze an embryo.'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.