Mystery Matchmaker Pillows

"Well I admit I might have photoshopped my online picture a bit!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

Today's love

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

Acme Dating Service

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Match maker

Carbon Dating Agency

Sidekick speed matching service.

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"