Mystery Matchmaker Pillows

"Well I admit I might have photoshopped my online picture a bit!"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

Today's love

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"It must have been fate that brought us together."

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Carbon Dating Agency

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."