Magical Matchmaker Pillows

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

"It must have been fate that brought us together."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

Acme Dating Service

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

'This one writes some fine lyrics, and the other one has composed some beautiful music, but they just done't seem to hit it off as collaborators.'

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"The big challenge now is to get them to mate in captivity."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."