Mystic Matchmaker Pillows

Asking out a palm reader.

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

Real Estate Personals

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

Acme Dating Service

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

Match maker

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"Kip paints caves."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."