Skeptical Matchmaker Pillows

"...his friend is over 6ft tall with broad shoulders, sounds too good to be true!"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'Are you fit, attractive male...?'

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

Cupid's converge on a bachelor.

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

'I'm afraid we don't have any gentlemen on hand right now -- how about a good old boy?'

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"I'm not looking for Mr.Right, Just Mr. Swipe-right!"

Dating site - buy a dog.

'Have you got any called Samantha?'

"You want to see me, Boss?"

"I guess I can’t prove I exist either."

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

'No! Romance with malice aforethought!'

"The computer appears to have matched you up with yourself Mr Narcissus"

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

"he was a computer error of the Computer Dating Service"

"Here we match people by their hatreds. It's a much stronger bond."

"Okay sir.I've fed your personal profile into the computer,and your ideal partner should look something like..."

'That's amazing. According to the computer, I'm your perfect match!'

'I always give the shy guys a 'booster shot'.'

'Fortysomething. Is that your age or waist size?'